I met a very charming narcissist the other day, whilst waiting at Centrelink for my appointment.
The only reason I knew he was one, was because he introduced himself as such. Now this, I have to say, is most unusual. Most narcissists know nothing about their narcissism, unless they have sought help to control the condition. And narcissism being the nature of mental illness it is, means that those suffering the condition are the last to consider there is anything wrong with the way the operate, and hence to seek professional help. Which is what made this young man so interesting to me. Well, at first anyway!
Most narcissists are deadly boring, and the reason they are is because their entire focus is on THEM. The golden lad Narcissus, after whom the condition I expect was coined, spent all his time gazing at his beauty in a reflection of a pool. He certainly wasn't looking at anybody else's. And this is why a Narcissist, that most self centred of the human race, is indeed very uninteresting to listen to (especially once you've fallen asleep from the sheer boredom of listening to them yabber on and on and on about themselves).
So I had just sat down, and I mean my bum had barely hit the cheap nasty plastic chair, when this fellow with a too wide engaging smile sat down right next to me, stuck out his hand and introduced himself as "Hi, I'm Jeremy, and I'm a narcissist."
I kid you not.
Now, Jeremy doesn't know my name, or anything about me for that matter. Because Jeremy of course didn't ask me anything at all. His end game was having an audience. Mine, it turns out, was to give him one. Well, until my name got called anyway. It took about 15 minutes.
I however now know a LOT about Jeremy. He's unemployed. He has been in Noosa for about 14 weeks. He was in Yamba before that. He doesn't work. He is above working. He is a poet and a literature writer. He has many, many therapists. He feels lucky that they have taught him all about narcissism, which is what he is apparently, and that narcissists tend to go on too much about themselves, and not notice when people really don't want to know, and start fidgetting and get bored and yawn and look away. (I was doing all of those things, I might add, and even more obviously once he'd informed me he knew the signs. I saw it as a glimmer of hope and just charged at it!)
But to no avail. All my yawnings, glancing hopefully at other Jeremy-free Centrelink customers, fidgeting my bum around that squeaky horrid chair, making pleading eyes at the receptionist, or anything else I did or said meant nada to this fellow. Every now and then, as if to punctuate his latest point (what was it again?) he'd flash a killer smile at me. And he had a killer smile, I'll give him that. The rest of his face, the eyes especially, were just NQR. Not Quite Right, or Not Quite All There.
He was barefoot, but carrying thongs. Board shorts, ill fitting T-shirt, and although he was tall (which usually means imposing to me) he sort of had a sloppy soft kind of stance that sat strangely with the rest of him. He would have been quite attractive if only he shut up though. I'm sure some women would find him overly friendly. To me, he was sort of scary, and just deadly dull.
I do know a bit about narcissism, and the effect it has on their partners, having had a rollercoaster relationship with one for the better part of five years, but which I am now thankfully free of. Having educated myself, I now know what to look for, and run screaming for the hills, should a new one present himself to me in not the obvious way that Jeremy did. Most of them fly under your radar very easily, so it's very important to be informed. I will be doing more of that in the course of this blog.
But today belongs to my friend Jeremy. His name finally got called, he leapt up without a backward glance, and went off to his appointment. I glanced around at the five or six other people in the waiting area, and they were all looking at me. Some were laughing, some were rolling their eyes, and one old geezer said "Well, what was THAT all about??"
Dunno, guess I'm just lucky!
A few minutes later I was surprised when I got up for my appointment, and Jeremy sort of leapt out at me from behind an artificial plant and gave me that big crocodile grin again, saying "Ha, scared ya!!"
Yes, Jeremy, you did. You do!
